Eddy’s Brother: Yo. We’re coming to you live from, Total Drama Ed, in camp Cul-de- sac, somewhere in Peach Creek. I’m your host, Eddy’s Brother. I’m dropping season 1 of the hottest new reality show on TV right now! Here’s the deal, 10 campers have signed up to spend a month at this crappy old summer camp. They’ll compete in challenges against each other every three days. Then the losing team must vote someone off, and leave Total Drama Ed forever. Their fate will be chosen at the junkyard where each week all but 1 will receive a jawbreaker. In the end only 1 will be left standing, and will be rewarded, cheesy tabloid fame, $40.00, and 500 jawbreakers. To survive, they’ll have to battle birds who steal money, disgusting food, and each other. Everything you say or do will be caught by cameras all over camp. Who will crumble over the pressure? Find out on Total Drama Ed!
Eddy’s Brother: It’s time to meet the campers. I told em’ we would be at a 5 star resort, as you can see I lied. If they seem a little confused, that’s probably why. Edd what’s up?
Double D :( Walks off the boat) It’s so gratifying to meet you. (Walks to the back)
Sarah :( Comes off boat) You mean we’re staying here?
Eddy’s Brother: No, you’re staying here; my crib is an airstream, with A.C. that way.
Sarah: I did not sign up for this.
Eddy’s Brother: Actually you did.
Sarah :( Tears contract)
Eddy’s Brother: The good thing about lawyers is that they make lots of copies.
Sarah: You suck, you know that right?
Kevin :( Jumps off boat)
Eddy’s Brother: Kevin, dude.
Kevin: I don’t like surprises, dork.
Eddy’s Brother: Yeah, your father warned me about that dude. He also said to give him a call anytime to return you home.
Kevin: Okay then.
Eddy’s Brother: Ladies, and gentlemen, Eddy!
Eddy :( Falls in a pile of luggage) Hey bro!
Eddy’s Brother: Think you’ll get voted of early?
Eddy: As if!
Nazz: Hey what’s up?
Eddy’s Brother: Hey, it’s Nazz.
Nazz: Hey guys.
Kevin: Hey my name is Kevin.
Nazz: Drop dead you skeez.
Ed: Hello, my name is Ed. (Trips and flattens his face)
Eddy’s Brother: We picked him entirely on his stupidity. Rolf is here. What’s up Rolf?
Rolf: What are these animals? Rolf does not see them on the farm.
Jonny: Plank and I are gonna have a hoot at this place.
Eddy’s Brother: Meet Jonny 2×4 and Plank, he doesn’t talk very much.
Kevin: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Jimmy: Did you get my medicine, for my deceases.
Eddy’s Brother: Yeah.
Jimmy: So this show is at a crappy summer camp.
Eddy’s Brother: Yup.
Jimmy: Yes! That is so more my talent; I’m an Urban Ranger you know.
Eddy’s Brother: Now that everyone’s here I’m gonna split you guys into teams. If I call your name go stand over there. Sarah, Jimmy, Jonny, Plank, and Kevin. You will be known as the Screaming Pigeons. The rest of you are Killer Scams.
Jonny: It looks like me and Plank are on the same team!
Eddy: I like these names. I told you he was a whiz at making names.
Ed: Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dina?
Eddy: Let’s go to our cabin.
Double D: Dusty, dusty, dusty.
Eddy: Hey sockhead.
Double D: Hello Eddy.
Ed: I think there’s a bug in my ear, Eddy.
Nazz: Hey I guess we’re sharing a cabin. (They all stare blankly at her)
Jimmy: This cabin is really gross, don’t they clean it.
Sarah: I don’t know what the heck they were thinking, it’s so dirty.
Kevin: I can’t believe Nazz is on the same team as those dorks.
Eddy’s Brother: Alright, it’s time for your first challenge. It’s a game called uncle, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of it. All you have to do is pick a paper from my hat and do what it says for 10 seconds.
Ed: Be bitten by a snake.
Double D: Roll in poison ivy.
Eddy: Pull out your teeth.
Nazz: Shave head with chainsaw.
Rolf: Sit in a barrel of leaches.
Jimmy: Bee covered in bees.
Eddy: I told ya’ he was a whiz at making puns.
Kevin: Jump over shark infested lake with bike.
Plank: Jump over termites.
Sarah: Wrestle alligator.
Jonny: Read a 5945 page instruction manual.
Eddy’s Brother: First let’s do Rolf. (Rolf just sits there like it’s no problem)
Eddy’s Brother: Rolf wins the first game. Now Eddy.
Eddy: You mean Ed right.
Eddy’s Brother: No I said Eddy.
Eddy :( Tries to pull out his first tooth) Ouch!! How stupid can ya get?
Eddy’s Brother: It looks like Eddy wins. Now it’s Edd.
Double D: Oh dear. (He rolls in the poison ivy but after 8 seconds he jumps and starts scratching)
Eddy’s Brother: Edd is out!! Next we have Kevin.
Kevin: Choice! (He gets his bike ready and jumps. He make all the way through, half of his bike doesn’t.) My bike!
Eddy’s Brother: That would make a good unicycle. Now we have Sarah. (She wrestles it in a second) Sarah moves on.
Jonny: Now it’s my turn. “How to throw a ball, you position your arm behind back, bring you’re your arm back up, flick your fingers and let go of the ball.”I can’t do this to much pressure. (After nine seconds he stops)
Eddy’s Brother: Jonny’s out. (After a series of dangerous tasks the final 2 were Ed and Jimmy) Jimmy to win you have to eat vegetables. Ed, to win you have to swim in gravy.
Jimmy: I won’t do that.
Eddy’s Brother: Then it looks like Ed wins. Killer scams win! Pigeons meet me at the junkyard. Well this was an easy one. Sarah Jimmy, Kevin… Plank. Sorry dude but you have to go. (Jonny walks on the dock of shame, on the boat of losers) Everyone else is safe… for now.
Kevin: Wow. I did not see that coming. Who did plank vote for.
Ed: I would have wanted to swim in that gravy.
Sarah: This place still sucks, but I might as well try to win.